Keep Your Religion In Your Pants!
Recently I had the misfortune to have now-former friend
decide to use an invitation over to my house to push her religious beliefs on
me. There are so many aspects about this that leave me uneasy, feeling angry,
and very offended. I’ve needed to get this off of my chest, so this is an
open letter to that former friend. If you are religious, it is possible that
you may find this offensive – feel free to move along to another page, but I
hope you will stay and learn a lesson vicariously.
For the sake of anonymity let’s refer to my friend as
“Preachy.”
Dear Preachy,
You may
have noticed that I’ve recently ceased all communications with you. I’m sure
you are perplexed, you just cannot fathom why I won’t return your calls,
emails, texts, facebook pings, and snail mail letters (which I promptly toss in
the recycling, btw). After all, you were “only” trying to spread the word of
(your) god, and “win a soul” to (your) god.
For a
long while I sat on the fence about where I stood with believing in the
afterlife. Truthfully, I was mostly leaning towards atheist, but the stupid
christian guilt I’d been raised with would creep up (seriously, that shit is a
bitch!), and I would waiver and wonder. I spent many hours as a teen reading
the bible and studying the religion. Occasionally I would think of a question and thought I would ask
you about your thoughts. In case you didn’t know, this is where things between you and me rapidly
went downhill.
A year ago I asked you a few
questions on your bible and beliefs just to hear your perspective. I grew up in
an evangelical home, I know these beliefs like that back of my hand. Still this
conversation left me quite offended. However, because I consider myself a good
and tolerant friend, I let you believe your beliefs. I just made a mental note
never to broach the topic with you. Why? Because
I respect you and your right to hold your own beliefs without needing to
convert you.
Now that I’m no longer a friend of
yours, I’m calling bullshit on that first conversation. I also believe that
your “righteous beliefs” are destroying the fabric of our society, not because
you believe them so much as you try to push them onto everyone. Going back to
this initial conversation, you may wonder what I found so offensive.
1.
Gay
People Are Like Butt-Licking Animals
Preachy, do you remember our lunch
where I asked you some religious questions? Did you happen to notice how quiet
I got and changed the topic afterwards? Let me help fill you in on why. Here’s
a recap:
You: “So what is your
stance with religion?”
Me: “Well, that’s a
loaded question. There’s a lot of things that I completely disagree with in the
Bible. For example, being gay is a natural thing. Gayness, gay animals exist
within nature.”
You: “Yes, but animals
are gross. They lick their butts.”
Me: (stunned silence, debating whether to point out that
there are probably plenty of humans who enjoy licking butts…)
You: “Gay people are
just lustful. That’s all that gayness is, people choosing to give in to sinful
lust.”
Me: “Hmm. I don’t
agree. I think few people would choose to be ostracized by society. Besides,
pretty sure gay people are no more lustful than heterosexual people.”
REFLECTION:
Do you not see how arrogant you are being? Can you just step
back here and look at things without the lens of your religion? I know the
answer is no, which is really frustrating for the rest of us. I wish you could
just imagine you are wrong (like you *love* to ask us non-religious people,
“but what if you’re wrong there is no god? You could go to hell!”) and look at
your actions as a human. What if there is no (your) god and you’re just walking
around being a discriminatory asshole? Because that is the reality of things.
But yes, I know you are incapable of seeing this or empathizing.
Here is my theory. You’re claiming your love is legitimate,
but theirs is just lustful. Why? Because it makes you feel special. You have
something authentic, something greater. Something better. Lust is defined as
“ardent enthusiasm,” something that surely would burn out after a few years at
most, wouldn’t you think? So how do you explain many lovely gay couples who
spend their lives together? They’re just living off of keeping the lust going,
huh? Damn, wish I knew their secret.
2.
The
Mythical Conservative Homosexual Who Doesn’t Want Equal Rights
You: “Well, there are
actually Christian gay people who recognize the sin and choose to abstain and
instead dedicate themselves to living quietly and seeking God. They don’t force
their beliefs down our throats with all that sinful pride and such.”
Me: “I find that very
sad, Preachy. Everyone deserves to be happy and be able to live their lives as
their truthful selves. You know, I believe gay people should be able to marry
because of separation of church and state.”
REFLECTION:
Um. Have you ever met anyone like that? There seems to exist
this myth out there among conservatives that there are gays on your side who
are humble, repenting, and would never vote for their own rights. I don’t
really buy that, but even if there are people like that it doesn’t make it
right!
Again, can you step aside from your beliefs and see how
denying homosexuals dignity and enacting judgments really just degrades our
society? Their love does nothing to hurt yours.
Also, you do know that Jesus never spoke of gay people in
(your) bible, right?
3. If Gays Marry, Next Comes Pedophiles Marrying Children and Perverts
Marrying Animals
You: “Well, that’s
just society and popular belief. Eventually it will be pedophiles wanting to
marry little boys, and perverts wanting to marry animals.”
Me: (stunned silence again, I was so offended and stunned
that I could barely form a coherent sentence) “Pedopilia is wrong and different, Preachy.”
You: “Only because
people haven’t started to be more liberal like they are with gays.”
REFLECTION:
YOU ARE COMPARING TWO
CONSENTING ADULTS TO PEOPLE VIOLATING CHILDREN AND ANIMALS? Can you not
see how wrong that thought process is? Because honestly, two consenting adults
choosing to have sex is not the same thing as someone violating a child or
animal. A child and animal cannot give their consent, fully comprehend their
actions. However, a grown person having sex with another grown person is NOT
wrong if both parties are willing.
Can you understand how awful this thought process is? How
damaging and hurtful it is to society? You’ve literally condemned a portion of
the population who simply want to love, and placed them on par with criminals. Shame on you.
4. Picking and Choosing What to Follow in Your Bible
You: “What else? What
other things do you have issues with?”
Me: “Well, let’s see…
slavery, the treatment to women in the book
- specifically that passage about the fellow “protecting” his guests by
throwing his daughters out to be raped (*) by a gang of mauraders, and silly
things like not eating figs, shellfish, of wearing cotton blends.
You: “Oh, well that’s
old testament. Jesus came back and showed us the proper way to live. God
corrected people through Jesus, so the new testament is what to follow. The
other stuff is just history.”
Me: “Jesus advocated
slavery (**), Preachy. That’s just never okay, even for the time period. Slavery has
always been wrong. Period. If the bible is wrong about slavery, I think it can
be wrong about gay people too.” (***)
At this point I’d finished lunch and decided to change the
topic. Your beliefs were astoundingly offensive, but as I said before - they
were yours to believe and I respect your right to believe them. Even though I
thought they were wrong and pretty awful, I valued you as a friend more than
that.
5. Keep your religion in your pants
So imagine my surprise when you came over and announced (NOT
ASKED) that you were going to witness to me. I’d gone so long trying to avoid
talking to you about religion, and that was with a specific purpose of keeping
us friends and not having to hear your hateful rants. I'm guessing going a year with me avoiding speaking of religion wasn't okay with you, you expected me to be eager to convert. When you came over an announced your intentions, I was in shock that you
would violate an invitation into my home for your own devices. It honestly it really threw
me threw a loop. And, as my husband points out, I uncharacteristically let you
spend three hours preaching. When you left, I felt hurt, offended, and
saddened. You couldn’t just let it be? Let us be friends? Bummer.
I should point out, I don’t care if you hold your beliefs,
if you post them to facebook, talk about them – that is fine. However, for
future reference it is NOT okay to witness to someone without asking if it is
okay to do so and wanted. I know your book tells you to win people to (your) god,
spread the word, do everything in (your) god’s name. But honestly? The world
you live in today is not that of the bible, and it isn’t okay to do that.
Every religion thinks the other religion is false and wrong,
(and yes, I know but you had Jesus to prove your religion right, yadda yadda)
and everyone is told to convert others. The point I’m trying to
make is that everyone has beliefs and they think theirs are right just as much
as you "know" yours to be.
This blog/letter/rant is to tell you that what you did was a
violation of our friendship, and irreparable. Please, for the love of humanity
– Keep your religion in your pants!
6. You’re a hypocrite
I’d like to point out that your
views are super hypocritical. You wear cotton blends, judge gay people, and
numerous other things. All those things you say are “old testament” and meant
to give history more than anything. Well guess what? The verse you referred to
about gay people is OLD TESTAMENT. So how come you hold on to that and toss out
everything else? If you hold that true, you should also hold everything else in
the old testament as true too. You yourself should have been stoned to death
for having a child out of wedlock. But I’m guessing you throw that out because
it doesn’t suit you?
I don’t
want to get into religious attacking, mostly because I’d never change your
mind. I just want to make a plea with you to see things outside of your
religion and look at yourself as a human being. Please?
7. My Mom’s Golden with God
My mother is batshit crazy. Not
only is she crazy, she is a cruel, immature, and really mean person. I was very
candid with you about my mother and the struggles of growing up in an abusive
household. For you to then tell me that I’m just like her holding the same animosity
towards her that she had for her mother, well that was just nasty of you.
With regards to my mother, I’m not
angry. I’ve come to realize that is just the cards I was dealt. I hate what she
put me through, and I hate that she is still a ghost that finds ways to get
into my personal life (despite me working to move on). But I mostly just feel
sorry for her. By the way, I’ve spent hundreds of hours in therapy sessions
working out my issues with my mother, and if my psychiatrist/counselor think
I’ve successfully accepted the issue, I think I’m good. So it was mostly just
shitty of you to say something like that after I confided in you.
The kicker, however, was for you to
say that my mother is for sure going to heaven. Brilliant. There is no heaven
or hell, but I’ll happily take hell to living my life like her.
8. Demons
I’m afraid of the dark. Yep, 29
years old and still terrified of the dark. And do you know why? Many hours of therapy
have been devoted to this and have helped identify it as PTSD associated with of
growing up in a house where my mother told me as a young child that we had
demons living in the house. That they talked to her. That they could possess
me. That they could come back “ten fold” and are tricky to get rid of. I slept
on my dad’s bedroom floor until I was 13 years old, terrified of these magical
evil things.
So when you come over to preach to
me that these things exist, that they are real and I need to be worried, you
didn’t succeed in making me want to follow (your) god to protect me, you pretty
much just scared the shit out of me and dug up all those irrational fears I
worked so hard to overcome.
I spent every night for weeks
tending to a newborn baby, having to struggle with the dark. Thanks. Seriously.
That was awesome!
9. Preying on Vulnerability
I recently had a baby, and I think
you chose this time in particular because you knew how vulnerable I was.
Nothing prepares you for post-baby hormones; the ups and downs, stresses, lack
of sleep, they can really mess with you. I was vulnerable and you could prey on
my emotions more. I’m sure you don’t tell yourself that, but I’m certain that
is the truth of it. Pretty crummy of you.
10. I Was Heartfelt!
What also bothered me was your
implication that I wasn’t truly looking for a god at any point in my life.
“Anyone who asks with a true heart will be answered.” You are implying that I
must not have been genuine in asking, which is pretty sad. I can’t express how
much I really was open to it and genuine in asking, and you know what happened?
Nothing. Big fat nothing.
But I get it: you tell yourself I
must not have been genuine because you can’t believe there’d be no answer.
There was no answer, it wasn’t that
I wasn’t open to it, or misinterpreted it, or was “demanding” of a god, it was
just the reality of things. We live in a literal world with no proof of an
after life.
Funny, atheism is really the most
vulnerable thing to being proven wrong…
11. Where I Stand
Your forceful and inconsiderate preaching in my home was just
the thing I needed to realize where I stood with religion, and see if for what
it truly is. In way I suppose I owe you a thank you. I’ve found freedom from
guilt, hypocrisy, cruelty, and a myriad of other things.
In Conclusion:
What I’d like to emphasize is I am
a good person. Lack of religion doesn’t mean I’m amoral. I believe that the way
I treat people is solely based on me as a person doing the right thing. Not
because I have to for fear of punishment or for some reward in the afterlife. I
am accountable each day for how I relate to people. Me alone. Not because of
some scripture that says I must, say, convert my friends.
For the record, I define myself as
an atheist. However a lack of belief is not a belief, so in case you’re
wondering I now classify myself as a secular humanist, feminist, and agnostic.
I will never try to convert
someone. If a friend wants to talk about religion for the sake of it, or for a
debate, I’ll happily engage. However I will never take advantage of a
friendship for my own agenda. I hope in your old age you might someday come to
find that you should do the same.
Sincerely,
Your Former Friend
Notes:
(*) anyone unfamiliar with the daughter rape verse: "And
Lot went out at the door unto them, and said do not so wickedly. Behold now, I
have two daughters which have not known men, let me, I pray you, bring them out
unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes, only unto these men do
nothing..." Genesis 19:7-8
(**) Jesus on slavery:
"Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ." (Ephesians 6:5 NLT)
"Christians who are slaves should give their masters full respect so that the name of God and his teaching will not be shamed. If your master is a Christian, that is no excuse for being disrespectful. You should work all the harder because you are helping another believer by your efforts. Teach these truths, Timothy, and encourage everyone to obey them." (1 Timothy 6:1-2 NLT)
"The servant will be severely punished, for though he knew his duty, he refused to do it. But people who are not aware that they are doing wrong will be punished only lightly. Much is required from those to whom much is given, and much more is required from those to whom much more is given." (Luke 12:47-48 NLT)
(***) I was also using Dan Savage’s views about slavery and the
bible while talking to Preachy, in case anyone recognized that quote/thought.
From his debate with a religious person: http://www.towleroad.com/2012/08/dan-savage-debates-noms-brian-brown-at-dinner-the-video.html
