Bathroom Duh

A Bathroom Duh

Are you a woman? If so, chances are you've violated this bathroom "duh," so I'd like to take a moment to educate you on bathroom etiquette. When using the restroom, please do not sit RIGHT NEXT to an occupied stall. If there are a multitude of open stalls, please keep at least one space in between used stalls. Why, you may ask? It is the polite thing to do, when doing your business, the last thing you want is someone right next to you - it is like an intrusion! 

You might as well just open the door and stand there and watch. We aren't best friends, we don't need to use stalls right next to each other! Even if we were best friends I'd say "hey, bestie, move down a few stalls." Moving down a few spaces allows for me to think, in solitude. After all, this is really why I'm there in the first place. A stall space (minimum) allows a sound barrier. 

There are a few exceptions to this rule: is there are large, poisonous creature guarding the distant stalls? Go ahead and use the one next to me. Same applies if the stall is in poor condition. 

Remember the rule of thirds: stall #1 occupied? Skip stall #2, and number #3 is your friend.

P.S. Wash your hands. No exceptions.

Your Spawn

"Someday when you have children, you'll understand." My friends with children like to  philosophize, because apparently having kids is this mysterious game changer where the rules of common courtesy suddenly don't apply to you. As though I forgot what is was like to be child, or couldn't possibly relate or fathom the concept. Modern day parents really seem to develop some silly logic. One friend even tried to convince me that it was her babies' "good looks" that kept her motivated to get up in the middle of the night, sleep-deprived to take care of her baby. I couldn't break it to her that her "good looking baby" pretty much resembled a frog. Not to mention the sheer survival rate of ugly babies. Then she said those magic words parents seem to utter to give themselves a pardon for their bad behavior or ridiculous ideas "Some day when you have children, you'll understand."

Here is what I actually understand: having a kid doesn't let you off the hook for common sense! Your small/toddling children are not okay to wander or run around Starbucks/insert-restaurant-here/grocery store/clothing store/public place! Yet, in my work-escape coffee break at Starbucks, here is what I see every time:

1.  Parents bring their children in and release them.
2. Kid wanders over to the merchandise display case or other people and proceeds to touch, grab, break, explore things.
3. Parent ignores kid forever, then finally "suggests" they do something different, usually using some vague logic on their one-year-olds along the lines of "we don't do that in public" (really? "we" don't? 'Cause they're doing it....)

Don't get me wrong: do I think a small child can sit quietly and wait for their parents to order coffee? OF COURSE NOT! But I'm not the one bringing them into a public space and letting them have-at-it, am I? Solution? Leash them. Pick them up. Hold their hands.

OR DRIVE THROUGH.